'S
1998 TRANNIES BALLOT
Click my TRANNIES LOGO to go to the Official Trannies 98 Awards Page!
Well, here we go again! Another year's Trannies have been posted by good old Robert Jung and his Electric Escape site. And for the second year, I am posting MY ballot for all to read and weep - er - enjoy!
Once again this year I slipped in a few short scripts that fell from my keyboard somewhere around 2 in the morning. 2 of these scripted fanfics fell into their own pages. You may find them where they landed in the ballot, or you may go directly to them by clicking on their titles here...
VECTOR GODFATHER II
TOY WARS II - CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH
Also, as with last year's ballot, Rob found some of my answers to not be correct for the question posed. (Well, sleep deprivation will do that to ya!) His responses will appear in red. My answers will appear in blue.
Watch out! Here it comes!
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PART I: CHARACTERS
These awards focus on the Transformers characters themselves -- the beings behind the products, the ones that live on in our imaginations. If not for the characters, there wouldn't be a Transformers fan base at all...
*** Absolutely the Most Favorite Character of All Time
Optimus Prime, 'course! Hopefully, if Mainframe ever needs a voice for old Op, they'd find someone who could pull off Peter Cullen's voice better than whoever did Megatron's!
*** Favorite Character(s), any Faction(s) - Name as many of your favorite characters as you like.
RatTrap - The smart ass' smart ass!
Rhinox - Same reason as last year - The way he is the Maximal's Anybot, a do-all, fix-all, command-all, I still feel he has great back-story potential!
Starscream - Once again, you need a troublemaker - period.
Airazor - I miss her!
Camshaft - Well, he is a personal favorite, and my favorite Omnibot, but mostly because of a story you folks haven't seen yet! Maybe this year!
*** Favorite Autobot/Maximal/Good Robot(tm)
I stick with my choice from last year, Bumblebee. He's small, he's yellow, and he's a classic VW Bug. HE knows that a Beetle's engine is IN ITS REAR!
*** Favorite Decepticon/Predacon/Bad Robot(tm)
SCREAMER!! Starscream, the brunt of all troublemakers!
*** Favorite Gestalt/Combiner Team
Superion - Maybe it's because he's the only one I have that I had to collect (unlike Magnaboss and Tripredacus, who came boxed together)! Oh well...
Then again, I do have G2 Devastator...
*** Favorite Subteam/Group
WHO ARE WE!?
OMNIBOTS!
WHAT ARE WE!?
RADICAL STEEL ON WHEELS!!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
BREAK!
From "The Secret of Ultra Magnus" - Part 3
You may go to this story by clicking one of the following...
Script History
Omnibots
Multibots
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
'Nuff said!
*** Favorite Non-Toy Character
Alpha Trion - now here's a character that someone could make multiple toys out of! Young A-3, Dr. Alpha, old crotchety Alpha Trion, etc...
*** Character You Most Want to Be Friends With
The same as last year, Bumblebee. Since they still don't make a '67 Impala T-Form, I'll stick with him! Besides, a tree transformed my '67 Impala for me! It fell on it Labor Day! Erf!
*** Character You Most Want to Be Lovers(!) With
Welllll... this year Rob didn't use my answer... shame...
*** Character You Most Want to Be
I'm old, I'm crotchety, I'm still Kup.
*** Most Annoying Character
Depth Charge (Yoiks! A new one!) Now, this isn't a BAD thing. Just because he's annoying, doesn't mean that he's a BAD CHARACTER. He just makes me want to grab him by his grenade launcher and slap him silly. Being annoying just fills out his character.
*** Character You Most Want To Lobotomize With a Runaway Arc Wielder
[DISALLOWED: Wheelie]
Okay, if Wheelie is out, then it falls to my runner-up from last year...
A BIG HAND AND A KICK IN THE PANTS TO DANIEL! - WHEELIE'S PARTNER IN CRIME!
And once again, I must say GET HIM OUT OF ARCEE'S HEAD!!
*** Best Character Name
RAMPAGE - It kind'a tells it all, ya know?
*** Worst Character Name
Optimus MINOR - Why, oh WHY does all the really bad names start with OPTIMUS? My choice of last year was Optimus Primal. 'Course, my choice last year for BEST NAME was Optimus PRIME. Oh well...
*** The Chilled Lubricant Award, for the most ruthless Transformers character
I bet you many folks will vote for either Rampage or Depth Charge - I vote for TM Megatron. Rampage is just psychotic, and Depth Charge is stuck for anything else to do but to fixate on Rampage. TM Megatron was willing to destroy mankind, blow up history (including himself), and basically nuke everything until it twinkled just to win.
Ed. Note: Well, I was half close! Rampage came in 4th place with 12 votes. DC could only muster 3 votes! Well I'll be a petro-bunny!
*** The Righteous Thunder Award, for the Transformers character with the most devastating/intimidating/interesting/cool weapon or ability
BURRRRRN! Don't invite this nasty flame thrower to your next barbecue! Inferno and his Flame Thrower/Energy Bolt Cannon. Granted, it doesn't leave gaping holes, but it's owner gives it a greater menace.
Runner Up would go to Rampage's Gatling Cannon, which took a slight fall from intimidating when Dinobot shoved Waspinator into its muzzle, only to have it blow up in Rampage's face. (If it were so nasty, it would have blown Waspinator to bits, clearing its chamber, not catoing.) {Cato - A rocketry term, short for Catastrophic Failure}
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PART II: TRANSFORMERS TOYS
The Transformers started off as simply an attempt to sell action figures to the public, but there was something special about those toys that gave them a life of their own. These awards salute the inspiration for TransFandom, the metal and plastic figures that we imbue with our dreams and adventures.
*** Best Toy of the Year (Introduced between 12/1/1997 and 12/31/1998)
This is a tough one, but SIZE DOES MATTER - Optimal Optimus. Granted, he has TOO MUCH to him, he has parts that are just dying to get lost, and how much do you want to bet that youngins will be breaking off his flimsy head/missile launcher assembly... but WOW!! Just LOOK at the SIZE of him!!
*** Best Toy Ever
[DISALLOWED: Jetfire (original)]
Well, take the easy one out, why don't ya!!
Okay, I'll fall back on my Honorable Mention from last year...
Ultra Gorilla Optimus Primal. He's easier to transform than Jetfire, is as large as Jetfire, has more gadgets than Jetfire, and poses better than Jetfire!
So, I can't pick Jetfire, humm?
*** Best Toy Tech-Spec
I read them, but I have never been a fan of them enough to really pick just one. Pardon me if I skip this one.
*** Best Toy Tech-Spec Quote
I have never been a fan of Tech-Spec quotes. Therefore, I'll chose Optimus' "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" line. 'Course, does that mean that non-sentient being can be enslaved?
*** Best Toy Box Art
LioConvoy - There's just something about all that Japanese text on a nice sized box - plus the added advantage that the artwork looks real close to the actual model!
*** Best Toy Gimmick
[DISALLOWED: Combiners/Gestalts]
1st Generation Deluxe Transmetals - From posability, to their triple changing, to their remarkable resemblance to G1 Dinobots (especially Rhinox), the Transmetals are well sculpted and well designed. I only wish that the good guys weren't all gritting their teeth like the BAD GUYS! Someone call a cyber-dentist!
RATCHET:
Hi, I'm Ratchet! I'm not a dentist, but I can play one on TV! And I recommend NEW CYBER-CREST with REAL NAVAL JELLY to scrape off those barnacles from your Cyber-Teeth!
Remember to floss between energon intakes!
*** Worst Toy of the Year (Introduced between 12/1/1997 and 12/31/1998)
Injector! Talk about ugly! And where they put the robot's head?! SHEESH! I'm not sure EVERYTHING needs to have a Fuzor made of it! Some mixes are just plain BAD!
Fish Heads - Fish Heads - Rolly Poly Fish Heads - Fish Heads - Fish Heads - Eat them Up - Yummm!
*** Worst Toy Ever
This year, Runabout, since last year I chose Runamuck, and wasn't allowed to choose Battlechargers as a whole for this answer! Neaaa!
*** Worst Toy Tech-Spec
It is still Soundwave's. It simply DOES NOT match his profile as shown in the series or the movie.
*** Worst Toy Gimmick
I still cringe at the thought of ACTION MASTERS. It still makes me shake my head and say WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?
Keeps me up at night, it does! ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz!
Now before I get a bunch of flames about Action Masters being good and myself being full of beryllium baloney, I have NO GRIPES over the sculpting and look of Action Masters. As a matter of fact, I have a few of these toys myself (I currently have my AM Bumblebee standing on my desk in my room with Airazor draping an arm over his shoulder - but you'd need to read my FIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE scripts to find out why). My complaint was the IDEA of Action Masters. I don't care if the story had the Autobots and Decepticons taking on a new energy source that "made them feel more alive" - whatever THAT meant! If you give up your transformation ability for a new power source, you can not call yourself a TRANSFORMER any more!
I personally would have preferred Hasbro bringing them out as simply Action FIGURES of your favorite Autobots and Decepticons, thus eliminating the bothersome arguments over how such figures as Devastator could have become an Action Master in the first place!
*** Most Complicated Toy
The Beast Wars Gestalts have been surpassed! And it's name is OPTIMAL OPTIMUS!!
Honorable Mention must go to Rampage and Depth Charge. Rampage's tank transformation get interference from his crab legs! Depth Charge has way too many twist and turns.
*** The Dreams Made Steel Award, for the non-toy Transformers character who should have a toy made for him/her/it
Original Seeker Bodies - those odd triangular fliers from G1. They were never named, and you never saw any of the "star" Decepticons in that mode (even though Starscream should have when reminiscing about SkyFire).
*** The Dennis Rodman Award, for the Transformers toy with the worst color scheme
Optimal Optimus - I can do without the ORANGE parts! Couldn't they make them red or something more Prime?
*** The "Fan-riffic!" Award, for the Transformers toy that's the most fun to play with
I don't "Play" with my T-forms! When I started collecting these beasties, I was too old for that fun. So I'll say my favorite to TRANSFORM (the closet I'll get to play) is Laser Optimus Prime. First you get the traditional Optimus tractor, then you get a myriad of goodies in the tanker trailer! It's a shame they didn't put Roller in there somewhere!
*** The Corporate Piracy Award, for the non-Transformers toy that should become a Transformers toy
Well, you'll have to drop anyone who says Micro Machines, since they will soon be coming with the range of Transformers, now that Hasbro owns Galoob. And Toy Biz's Marvel Transforming Action Figures is a joke.
How about Ertl's AMERICAN MUSCLE line of cars? A transforming GTO in 1:18th scale? YEA!
Ed. Note: I cheated here! I originally said MUSSEL here instead of MUSCLE. I don'no... a Transforming Bivalve? I'll have to check Beast Wars NEO!
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PART III: TRANSFORMERS MERCHANDISE
Along with the hundreds of Transformers toys that were sold, there was also the various forms of merchandise -- the knapsacks, sticker books, breakfast cereals, and other peripheral goodies that helped us express our excitement. These awards focus on this outlying world of Transformers fandom.
*** Best Merchandise Item of All Time
I'll stick with the videos. (I'm STILL looking for those Japanese episodes! Anyone got a LaserDisc copy?) But this year, I'll choose a specific one.
The CANADIAN RELEASE of Transformers: The Movie. Complete, uncut, and expletive intact. Spike, Spike, Spike! There are KIDDIES present!
* Worst Merchandise Item of All Time
Last year I chose Undroos. This year I choose the BEAST WARS II Yo-Yo by Takara. Talk about jumping on a fad! What does a yo-yo have to do with Transformers anyway? Unless they consider the action of a yo-yo to be in continual transformation?
OPTIMUS PRIME: All right Autobots! ROLL OUT! ROLL IN! ROLL OUT! ROLL IN! WALK THE DOG! AROUND THE WORLD!
*** Funniest Merchandise Item of All Time
I have not found anything yet to replace the Megatron Gumball Bank (Arrow Plastics). It is still my choice.
*** The Stoned-Out Marketeers Award, for the strangest merchandise item ever made
I looked at last year's list of votes, and I must admit I have never seen any of these other items listed other than the Optimus Prime Cookie Jar.
My choice will STILL be Gumball Megatron. It blew my mind when I found that it came from my favorite rocketry company's plant! (At the time Arrow Plastics was a subsidiary of Damon Corporation, and they had moved them into the Penrose, CO plant that Estes Industries and Hi-Flier Kites are based. The bones of Arrow were later sold to Craft House/Testors... but enough of this corporate history stuff!)
*** The "Justifiable Murder" Award, for the most desired merchandise item you want
ALL of the Japanese Transformers Episodes! I'll take LaserDisc, VHS, Beta, bad home movies shot off a small TV screen! ANYTHING!!!
==========================================================================
PART IV: CARTOONS AND ANIMATED EPISODES
For a lot of TransFans, their toy robots leaped to life on the small screen via the Transformers cartoons and shows. These awards recognize the animated exploits of the Transformers, from the action of the original American and Japanese cartoons to the modern exploits of BEAST WARS.
*** Best Episode/Multiple-Episode Series of the Year
"CODE OF HERO" - Now THAT'S the way a character should go out! Hail and farewell Dinobot!
*** Best Episode Ever
"CODE OF HERO" - Overall, the story brought a climax to Dinobot's part in the series with a bang and dignity. And Bob Forward's directing debut was superb. It knocked my old favorite, "Heavy Metal War," back a notch!
*** Best Multiple-Episode Series/Story Arc Ever
This is a tough one, since the Third season is ALL an arc.
This year, simply because it brought on the remarkable conclusion to Dinobot's storyline, all episodes from "COMING OF THE FUZORS" - P1 to "CODE OF HERO" that dealt with Dinobot's troubles and worries over whether he had control over his own destiny or not.
*** Funniest Episode Ever
[DISALLOWED: "The Low Road"]
I'll stick with my vote from last year - Drunk Decepticons! Megatron Violated! It must be "MICROBOTS!" - by Galoob! Er... skip that last part!
*** Best Quote in an Animated Episode
He said it for ALL of US old crotchety G1 fiends!
From "AGENDA" - P3
RATTRAP: Dis ship wasn't BUILT, it was POURED!
OPTIMUS PRIMAL: Die Cast construction! It's a lost art!
*** Best Cel Animation in an Episode
[DISALLOWED: "Call of the Primitives"]
I don't CARE how many people wanted to vote for "CALL OF THE PRIMITIVES!" I STILL am voting for "HEAVY METAL WARS!" So THERE! NEYAAA!
*** Best Computer Animation in a BEAST WARS Episode
Airazor's flight sequence from "CALL OF THE WILD" is still my favorite.
*** Best Character Voice
Airazor - I STILL miss her! (And I'm NOT going to watch Mummies Alive just to listen to the snake!)
*** Best Fight Scene in an Episode
It's Optimus Prime Vs Megatron in the "HEAVY METAL WARS" again! Hey, good is good!
BTW - This is one question that you should split into two questions - one for the traditional cartoon and one for the CGI series. That way, I could have said that the final battle between the Maximals and the Predacons in "Call of the Wild" was also good! But nooooo! - err, why am I now sounding like Waspinator?
*** Funniest Scene in an Episode
What do you do with a Drunken Decepticon?
What do you do with a Drunken Decepticon?
What do you do with a Drunken Decepticon?
Early in the Evening?
Drop a box upon their Leader!
Drop a box upon their Leader!
Drop a box upon their Leader!
And let the Microbots run!
- "MICROBOTS"
*** Worst Episode/Multiple-Episode Series of the Year
I choose the last ep of the year, "Cutting Edge" with Cheetor suddenly becoming aroused by Blackarachnia. This little sub-plot DOES NOT FIT IN THE SERIES or the CHARACTER. He's shot at her, been shot at BY her, taken facial heel kicks from her, and has many a time referred to her in less than complimentary terms. WHY the sudden cyber-hormonal urges? Granted, it is probably a lead in to Cheetor's soon-to-be Transmetal II state of cyber-rage induced by old Meg's himself (most likely in "Feral Scream"), but the entire episode left much to be desired. Though I did find "There's my little guy! There's my little guy! Isn't he cute!" a bit fun!
Dishonorable Mention goes to "Changing of the Guard" with RatTrap in the Bubble Sub. There was nothing intrinsically wrong with the episode, only that it got a bit silly at the end. Plus, what does Megatron need with TWO shield systems (other than simply denying it to the Maximals)?
*** Worst Episode Ever
[DISALLOWED: "Carnage in C Minor"]
Well, if you're gonna take the obvious answer out, then my choices fall back on either KREMZEEEK!, FIGHT OR FLEE, or B.O.T. - eeny meeny miney... And da winna is...
FIGHT OR FLEE - for its many mistakes (Galvatron's SBD Cannon Shot for one), and uncaring Autobots (Ultra Magnus' now famous line, Rodimus SMILING while counting down the bomb's explosion, and his explanation that one shouldn't get mushy about detonating their home!), and just because it grates on my nerves when I see it!
*** Worst Multiple-Episode Series/Story Arc Ever
[DISALLOWED: "Five Faces of Darkness"]
Rebirth P1 thru 3 - I don't know, it just looked like they were rushed when they made these episodes.
BTW, did anyone notice the opening episodes to the new Batman Beyond were titled "Rebirth?" Hummm...
*** Worst Character Voice
[DISALLOWED: Wheelie]
Beachcomber - he's too damn mellow! He makes me want to yell in his audio receptors "WAKE UP AN SMELL THE ENERGON, YA BOZO!"
*** The Distinguished Distinction Award, for the best/coolest/neatest mannerism/habit of a character in a cartoon
Soundwave - Cool and resolute, and hard to faze. But in those times he would go out of character, you KNEW there was trouble afoot! - - - Geez! Now I'm starting to sound like Raksha! ;-)
*** The Amazingly Animated Award, for the Transformers character whose animated form looks the best
This is another award that I think you should have split into two - one traditional animation, one CGI - only because the CGI guys can add so much more to their characters. And in the traditional category, one would have to pick an episode (for example, Predaking looked his best in "Call of the Primitives" than he did in any other outing).
But, since the category asks for one, one it shall be! And I choose AIRAZOR - 'cause I miss her!
*** The Cool Cameo Award, for the celebrity who you'd like to have doing the voice for a Transformers character
[DISALLOWED: James Earl Jones]
'Sides, he's too busy doing VOs for Bell Atlantic commercials!
Oie! Not again!
KENNETH STARR:
Now, miss....
FIRESTAR:
...Firestar...
KENNETH STARR:
...Firestar... Now that we've given you immunity, please tell us what happen the night of the 24th of Primasol in the executive office in Iacon.
FIRESTAR:
Okay, but first... Does Elita know about this? And how about my brother, Inferno?
KENNETH STARR:
Which one? When we leaked it to the ant, all he did was laugh!
FIRESTAR:
NOT THE PREDACON, YOU NIT! My brother is a fire truck!
KENNETH STARR:
Oh, then he IS the leak!
Let's not go there! 'Sides, the only Transformer he'd be playing would be a toaster!
Oh, now look what I've done... I've insulted all toasters!
You know, with his lack of doing anything for Beast Wars, one could easily vote for Peter Cullen for a cameo!
But, on to those who have NEVER been associated with a transforming 'bot of any kind...
WE INTERRUPT YOUR READING OF ARKNORTH'S TRANNIE 98 BALLOT ANSWERS TO BRING YOU THE FIRST SCRIPT-STORY!
Go to
VECTOR GODFATHER II
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PART V: TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE
It's so big, so amazing, it gets its own subcategory! Like the title says, all of the awards here are for TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE.
*** Best Character in the Movie
I stick with my answer from last year... Movie Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime. G 1.2 really ruined him character wise.
*** Best Movie Scene
[DISALLOWED: Optimus Prime vs. Megatron]
Oh, right! Disallow the BEST part, ea? Well then, let's try...
Unicron's Transformation and Slamming Cybertron - did you ever notice that Generation 1.2 shows never show a giant hand print being repaired from the surface of Cybertron? As a joke, the guys at Mainframe should have outlined Unicron's hand print on the surface of Cybertron in different shades of gray! Think of the noise THAT would have made on the newsgroups!
*** Best Movie Quote
[DISALLOWED: Springer-"I've got better things to do tonight than die."]
MY BRAIN HURTS!!
(Doctor Gumby Slaps Mr. Gumby on the head three times)
IT WILL HAVE TO COME OUT!!
OUT!?
YES! ALL THE LITTLE NASTY BITS!! NURSE!! NURSE!! NURSE!! NURSE!!
Oh, sorry! That's a Monty Python skit!
Kup's "Turbo-Revin' young punk!" will then be my choice for this year, since I'm crotchety enough to know where he's coming from!
*** Best Movie Death Scene
Stick 'em with a fork, he's done! (And he toasts marshmallows too!) Starscream!! Still sh-sh-sh-SHATTERED!
*** Worst Character in the Movie
[DISALLOWED: Wheelie]
Come on now! If you disallow Wheelie, you're only going to bring it on to poor old Daniel Witwicky (With a name like Witwicky, it HAS to be BAD!)
Oh well,...
EVERYONE - FALLLLLLL BACK!!
Dan's our man! - er - boy!
*** Worst Movie Scene
The worst scene in the movie that actually made me squirm in my seat was the high shot of the dance on the Planet of Junk. The close-ups didn't bug me as much. But being semi-trained at animation, and having seen the film ONLY on video tape, I can only guess at how BAD that scene looks on the screen.
*** Worst Movie Death Scene
I stick with my choice from last year - Prowl-Melt on Rye!
*** Best Song from the Movie/Soundtrack
I Dare to be Stupid everyday - don't you?
*** Character Who Should Not Have Died in the Movie, but Did
The Jackster! Wheeljack! Wheeljack! Wheeljack! At least they could have shown one of his inventions doing him in or something!
*** The Final Cut Award, for the one (and only one!) scene you would add to the movie
There were many omissions from the movie that I can think of. Autobot City for one, not fully transforming into Metroplex (of course, this was probably because they didn't know HOW yet, since the toy hadn't been produced yet). Then, there's Mount St. Hillery. What happen to it? Was Teletran-1 on vacation when the Decepticons attacked?
Having read the production schedule for the film somewhere, and seeing that a good part of it was in production while the first FULL season of G1 was also in production, I can understand why many of the Transformers weren't shown in the movie - they hadn't quite made it in the series yet. But two characters that were there for that period, and never made it to the film were SkyFire and Omega Supreme.
In SkyFire's case, I can see why Hasbro didn't want him in the film. Being a BanDai product, AND being associated with a different series all together (MACROSS), it's no wonder he disappeared. And Omega Supreme probably had the same problem, being a Toy Box produced toy. (Shockwave is the only non-Takara based toy I can remember showing up in the film, and that's only for 2 short shots). But that doesn't mean that he couldn't have shown up for his cameo!
So my choice is for Omega Supreme's "Blaze of Glory" finale scene. Autobot City is having holes punched into it by Devastator. Omega Supreme arrives to defend the city, but finds Devastator holding something it never held before - an enlarged Megatron in gun mode (his size always seemed to depend on what bot was holding him at the time anyway).
"CONCENTRATE FIRE ON OMEGA SUPREME!" Megatron would bark, and the Decepticons would gang up on the behemoth, using anything they can get their hands on, including some they may have snitch from the city defences (another of those missile launchers maybe?). This scene could also explain Pile-O-Autobots, as Omega could have been carrying those Autobots shown deactivated in that now infamous shot with Arcee.
This scene didn't need to be "The End of Omega" either. They could have said something like "Omega's personality systems are still intact. Let's install him into Autobot City so he can have a new body - and let him be called METROPLEX!" But nooooo! They didn't, DID THEY!
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PART VI: COMICS AND MANGA
Another wrinkle to the Transformers mythos came in the form of comic books and other printed adventures. These awards celebrate those three-dimensional stories of a two-dimensional medium.
Yea, right... but as I always admit, I have never really read these beasties, so I'll skip most of this section!
Mind you, because Rob was using a new system for tabulating votes this year, I HAD to answer EACH question. So some of those are here!
*** Best Single Issue of a Comic
skip
*** Best Multiple-Issue Story Arc in a Comic
skip
*** Best Comic Book Cover
skip
*** Best Bob Budiansky Transformers Comic Story/Arc
skip skip
*** Best Simon Furman Transformers Comic Story/Arc
yippie skippie
*** Best Comic Book Artist
Someone can draw? Skipper!
*** Best Scene in a Comic Book
I Skip, therefore I jump!
*** Best Comic Book Quote
AUTOBOTS, SKIP!
*** Worst Single Issue of a Comic
[DISALLOWED: Transformers #31/"Buster Witwicky and the Car Wash of Doom"]
Glug! Skip!
*** Worst Multiple-Issue Story Arc in a Comic
Skip - Part 1 thru Skip - Part 42, where Perceptor answers the Ultimate question of Life, the Universe and Everything - Domino's Pizza!
Oh gawd! Shoot me now!
*** Worst Comic Book Cover
Gee! One I can actually answer! Transformers #5 - "The Transformers ARE ALL DEAD!" One nasty cover!
Disallowed due to immense popularity. Please choose another.
Well swat me with a wet noodle! I misread the question! That is, of course, my FAVORITE cover! Sorry 'bout that chief!
Worst - worst - worst.... hummm... well, since most of the covers I have ever seen were on the old TFFW site (R.I.P.), the most noted one I can remember (though I can't remember the actual edition number) was the one with Fort Max impaled with a rocky stalagmite. It wasn't the image that bothered me, more the scale problems... which was something the comics were never really able to rectify from those I have seen. Old Fort Max always seemed too small for what he was suppose to be - the largest Transformer next to Unicron (and Primus, depending on your allegiance).
*** Worst Comic Book Artist
Me? Gee, I'm not THAT bad! Oh, no one's seen my stuff yet! JUST YOU ALL WAIT!
Settle! Settle! Breathe!
Skip!
*** Best Use of Humans in a Comic
bondir
*** The Dream Team Award, Part 1, for the person(s) whom you would want to write a Transformers comic book
H. L. Mencken to cover the basic plot, but Dorothy Parker to do all of the Lady Autobots lines. (Yes, this is a joke, but let's see if anyone knows who EITHER of these folks were!)
*** The Dream Team Award, Part 2, for the persons(s) whom you would want to draw a Transformers comic book
Salvador Dali - Melting Autobots anyone? Andalusian Decepticons? Yick!
Followed closely by Pablo Picasso for that really surreal look!
*** The No-Color Character Award, for the dumbest/lamest/most boring
character in a Transformers comic
YAAAAAWN! Skip!
==========================================================================
PART VII: NET.FANDOM
This category is devoted specifically to Internet-based fandom, such as the Usenet Transformers newsgroups, web pages, IRC channels, and the TF MUSHes.
*** The TransFan of the Year Award, for the most friendly/helpful/polite net.transfan
Ben - I don't CARE if hackers mess up my site, I'll just repost it! - Yee
*** The Lovable Screwball of the Year Award, for favorite net.transfan
I haven't been on the new groups lately - Christmas and all that - plus the aftermath of the net wars left very few screwballs, and more irate TransFans than giddy ones.
But I'll choose Larry DiTillo, for his occasional "Get a Life" speeches he did during the "Dark Glass" silliness. Don't be a stranger Larry!
*** Best nom du net, for the net.transfan with the most interesting handle
Gryph (mac@robyn.rhein-netsurd.de)
Hummm... ArkNorth... hummm... I've only been asked once about it! Oh well!
*** The Straight-Shootin'-Swindle Award, for the best/fairest/most honest Transformers trader(s)/dealer(s)
This year, I spent WAY TOO MUCH time on that fine, yet addictive on-line auction, eBay. I only got burned once, which, considering the total amount of goodies I picked up there, is probably quite good.
My pick for the best of the best from my purchases would go to Yoshihiro Setoguchi [ystgc (ystgc@anet.ne.jp)] of Japan, for the LioConvoy I won on eBay. By luck, my bid put me under what most State side traders have been selling him for, and he managed to get him to me in time since this was a Christmas gift.
*** Best Discussion of the Year in a Transformers Newsgroup
How to nuke Big Daddy Zeus? Naaa... I'll skip this one, as I'd have to RE-READ every one to remember any! (Like my confuser, short term memory shot time ago long! Blix! Orf! Blat!)
*** Best Nonsense Thread of the Year in a Transformers Newsgroup
THE ADVENTURES OF FEMMETRON - It didn't last long - What if all the lady FanFic writers and news groupies got together to form a gestalt - what would it be like, and more importantly to the ladies, which writer/groupie made up which part of the big bot!? Oie!
*** Best .sig
Mine is a relevancy sig, which means it changes to whatever the topic was. Lately I've not used it as often. Oh well...
I choose Pikachu! Er... M Sipher's mutant, and sometime right to the point, sigs. I prefer a sig that changes. It shows that the person had to THINK about their ending, not just post one. This also means, that since I haven't been using mine as often, that I've not been thinking! NUUUUUURSE!
*** Best Transformers net.resource
The Ark Archives - I do not have the URL listed in front of me, but there is a link on my home page at...
http://www.fortunecity.com/tattooine/pohl/189/index.html
ED. NOTE: I recently found that the Archive is moving to a larger site. You can still get to it using the above URL, but not for much longer!
*** Best Transformers Web Page
I haven't been buzzing around the sites lately, and to tell you the truth, I still only have 5 TF sites permanently set in my Favorites listing on my Internet Explorer... not counting my own. They are...
Yours (of course)
Charl's
Birgit's
Ben (I may end it all SOON) Thomas'
and the most used lately,
eBay's Transformers Listings Page
I still check out yours first though. So again, I choose your site as my number one choice. If you don't want folks voting for your page, then Birgit Staebler's Gryph's Page is where I head right after yours.
*** Best Transformers IRC (Internet Relay Chat) Channel
Chat? ME?! HA! I Don't CHAT - I explain! - Skip!
*** Best Transformers IRC Operator
First I'd have to want to get on one! Skip!
*** Friendliest Transformers IRC Participant
T'ain't me! Skip!
*** Funniest Transformers IRC Participant
Still t'ain't me! Skip!
*** Best Transformers MUSH/MUCK
I get murky here! Skip!
*** Best Transformers MUSH/MUCK Administrators
This is getting messy! Skip!
*** Best Role-Playing of a Featured Character on a MUSH/MUCK
Gawd! I should have worn my MUCKlucs! Skip!
*** Best Role-Playing of a Original Character on a MUSH/MUCK
"MUSHY MUSHY PLOY PLOY!" sings Stimpy... Skip!
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PART VIII: FANFICS
Any Transformers-related fanfic story that has appeared in a fanzine, or was posted to a computer network, or otherwise shared with a group of other fans in a public forum is eligible for these awards. Fanfic stories that have NOT been shared in public are ineligible.
*** Best Fanfic Story of the Year
I am sorry to say that I have been too busy this year to read any new stuff - INCLUDING Birgit's (oh I'm SOOOO ashamed!) - therefore I will have to skip this section...
==========================================================================
PART IX: POTPOURRI
As the name implies, these awards go to anything that wasn't covered above.
*** The TF Question That Would Not Die, Part 1, Award:
Is Brawn dead or alive? (cf: "Transformers: The Movie")
Under the following assumptions... He probably DID NOT DIE from the infamous "Shot to the Shoulder" that many have ranted about. I think he was damaged severely enough to disable him. BUT, with all those Decepticons on board the shuttle, and with Megatron's example of what he did to Ironhide, I would figure that the other Decepticons would have made sure the remaining bodies couldn't grab legs anymore. And even if they didn't, (now HERE'S one that'll draw fire) HOT ROD put a final nail in his body case by shooting the shuttle to bits. Unless he fell free of the shuttle's wreckage and survived the impact with the ground, he probably got slagged slamming into terra very firma with the rest of the ship, as did any of the other Autobots on board that may have still had some life in them. Whattamess!
*** The TF Question That Would Not Die, Part 2, Award:
What medium best portrays the original Transformers (pre-Beast Wars), the comic books or the cartoons?
Oooh, this will draw the ire of all, won't it?
But not me. I have stated before that I had not seen the comics enough to pick one 'medium' over the other. But I have seen some. Of those comics I have read or seen, I found the storylines contrasted so much between the animated series and the comics to the point of distraction. Characters that acted one way in the animated series acted completely different in the comics. Even the humans were different. I prefer Sparkplug in the animated series over Mr. Gloom and Doom in the comics. And who IS this Buster (the Wheelie of the comics)? There's one too many Witwickys!
So, being so accustomed to the animated series, mostly by default, I choose the Animated Series version on the storyline.
*** The TF Question That Would Not Die, Part 3, Award:
In the Beast Wars television series, who is the better leader, Optimus Primal or Megatron?
Tricky. If one was to look at it from a point of view that a more truthful leader is the best leader, then one could pick Primal. His only major lie (so far) was to not telling RatTrap of Cheetor (And possibly others) about Axilon's actual mission (disposing of Protoform X). Megatron's whopper was the telling his greedy troops that he was after energon, when he was really after altering the time line in a way that would pretty much destroy them all.
Megatron is quite out of his little processor, since he's willing to zap his own existence. I choose Optimus Primal, all 3 of them!
*** Best Transformers News of the Year
The REALLY BIG BIG BIGBOT, Optimal Optimus! More fun than a Pocket Fisherman!
*** Worst Transformers News of the Year
The sacking of the original BW series. Sometimes, change isn't at all welcomed or wanted. Only time and FOX will tell.
*** Best Transformers Fan Artist (Hand-drawn)
This I'll skip, again because I haven't really seen any that are non-hand drawn. Also, it's getting harder to tell computer generated and hand drawn - for example, the stuff on my site is HAND DRAWN, then colored using the computer... So what category would THAT come under?
*** Best Transformers Fan Artist (Computer-Generated)
CODAH!! A link can be found on my home page. He has some really nice renderings of Optimus Prime and LioConvoy.
*** Best Transformers Fan Club
I don't know any! That's what I get for being antisocial! Skip!
*** Best Transformers Convention
I can only think of two, and I couldn't make it to either! Skip!
*** Best Organized Event at a Transformers Convention
Ea? Huh? What? Where? Skip!
*** The Gender-Bender Award, for the Transformers character whose sex should be changed for whatever reason
As I tell many of my subordinates at work...
(Fake German Accent)
VHAT ARE YOU DOINK?!
VHY ARE YOU DOINK IT?!
unt WHO ARE YOU DOINK IT TO?!
Well, other than the Japanese version of Airazor, who you noted was a MALE over there! (They'd better change that in a hurry before they show Other Visits!)
Other than that rather obvious one, I can't think of any T-Form that should change cyber-chromosomes.
Now, just how many responded that Transformers don't have sexes?
Rob didn't answer that one!
*** The CWWF Tag-Team Award, for the coolest Transformers cross-alliance team-up
ONCE AGAIN, WE INTERRUPT ARKNORTH'S TRANNIES 98 BALLOT ANSWERS TO TAKE YOU TO THE SECOND MAJOR SCRIPT-STORY
Go to TOY WARS II - CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH
*** The Sweeps Week Award, for the movie/TV/comic/etc. series or property that the Transformers should crossover with
Transformers Week begins on NBC! (Granted, NBC of the late '80s!)
Scott Bakula is Optimus Prime this week on QUANTUM LEAP! But is this leap ended before it's begun? Mid story, he leaps again, and NOW HE'S MEGATRON!
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PART X: TRANSFANS FREE-FOR-ALL
Stolen shamelessly from rec.arts.comics.misc's Bizarro Squiddies, it's the "roll your own" awards -- create a category (or two, or three, or...), then name your own winners. Suggestions for future award categories are also welcome (and may, in fact, be blatantly stolen if your ideas are fun enough).
*** The Time & Relative Dimensions Award (AKA - The TARDIS Award) for the storyline that jumps about the most or makes the least amount of sense time wise in an animated or CGI episode -
My choice would be for "Coming of the Fuzors - Part 2" during the final battle scene as the Axilon's shields are failing. Just HOW LONG did it take Optimus Primal to get from the stasis pod to the front of the ship? You see him leaving the pod (in shadow and silhouette only), opening the CR Chamber, picking his teeth (kidding)... Meanwhile, the rest of the gang is outside IN THE DARK getting slagged. Then in a transition scene that makes it look like HOURS have past, and the dawn is coming, he FINALLY shows up! T - t - ti - t - ti - t - timing! Timing! That's the t - ticket!
*** The OOPS! I can Do THAT? Award -
To Silverbolt in "Changing of the Guard," who, for SOME reason, requires a separate transmitter/receiver to contact RatTrap. Try tapping your CHEST, maximal!
*** The "Will Someone tell Daniel to Stop Flicking that Light Switch On and Off" Award for most blatant color change (this year including BODY CHANGES) in a short amount of time in an episode -
To RATTRAP in "Code of Hero" for his quick change from Transmetal to original body during the funeral scene.
Honorable Mention goes to Depth - Pull My Finger - Charge for his now you see it - now you don't fifth finger in his first outing!
Another Honorable Mention goes to Optimus Primal in "Victory." When Dinobot is heading back to the Axilon, Optimus, in ROBOT MODE, sees the Predacons chasing him. Go to commercial. Come back from commercial, and old Optimus is in BEAST MODE... Okay... The shock of seeing the Preds ALIVE made him revert to Beast Mode? Riiiiight! Maximize this!
*** The Darkest Hour Award for the time this year you wish you could have opened the matrix and let all that power loose on something -
To Big Daddy Zeus and his cronies for screwing up ATT so much this year! - YOU CAN NOT... DESTROY... MY... DESTINYYYYYYYYYYY!! BLOOIE!! Ha ha ha!
*** The Purple Matrix Award for the TransFan who put up with the most problems for the year, but managed to make it through still standing -
Tie - Benson Yee and his beastwars.net Web Site and Vulcana and her TRANSFICTION BASE for putting up with hackers, slackers, and what have you, but still managing to get their sites back up and intact! (Granted, Ben is making a new site as we speak, SO ALL THE INFO NEEDED FOR THIS BALLOT ISN'T THERE RIGHT NOW - ahem! - but he still gets one of these pinned to his site!)
Honorable Mention goes to all the ATTers who put up with BDZ, and who would GLADLY open the matrix RIGHT IN HIS FACE! Go get 'um kids!
*** The Pseudo-T-Form Award for the non Transformer brand product that tries its best to mimic the Transformers, but really falls flat on its bar code -
To Toy Biz's Transforming Marvel Action Figures - They're really bad! The worst being poor old Morph from X-Men, who, for reasons left to the designers, transforms into a Butt Missile Launcher! Must have been those beans!
*** The Metallic Bot Claw Against the Blackboard Award for the one line of dialog that makes you cringe in pain each time you hear it -
This year Cheetor wins this one, not for a specific line, but for the way he acted around Blackarachnia in the episode "Cutting Edge". It was SO out of character that I had a hard time watching it! Now, I know that when "Feral Scream" shows, it may explain much about why our cat-bot's cyber-hormones are raging out of control, but it made me want to sick Bob "Spade or Neuter" Barker on him!
*** The Null Protoform Award for the web site that will make you sit like a zombie for hours just looking... looking... looking... -
eBAY!! 'nuff said!
Honorable Mention goes to ATT, if I haven't checked it in a while, and 600+ posts are awaiting me! DELETE!
*** The Wait-A-Minute! Who Let HIM in the Door? Award - goes to
Me! Again!
Bye!
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